Grief

A Father's Anguish

The tragic account of David's son Absalom is a story of…

• appearance. Apparently he was the most handsome man in all Israel. His most notable feature was his thick, long hair, which he cut annually. Its weight was said to be two hundred shekels, or several pounds (2 Sam. 14:25–26).
• affluence. As a son of the king, he enjoyed the benefits of a royal family whose empire was on the rise. For example, Hiram of Tyre had built David a palace of cedar (2 Sam. 5:11; 7:1–2). Absalom may have had his own home at Baal Hazor, several miles north of Jerusalem, where he employed sheepshearers (2 Sam. 13:23).
• advantage. He was next in line to the throne after his half brothers Amnon and Chileab. He also must have had a special place in his father's heart, for even after Absalom took Amnon's life, David longed to be with his son (2 Sam. 13:39).
• anger. When Amnon violated Absalom's beautiful sister, Tamar, Absalom took revenge by luring Amnon to his country home, where he had his servants kill him after dinner (2 Sam. 13:1–29).
• ambition. Reinstated after two years of exile, Absalom began building a power base among the people, right under the nose of David (2 Sam. 15:1–6). When the time was right, he launched a rebellion to depose his father and rule in his place (2 Sam. 15:7–18). His ultimate act of defiance was to violate his father's concubines, which in effect meant that he had assumed the throne (2 Sam. 16:20–22).
• anguish. Under the seasoned command of Joab, David's troops severely defeated Absalom's army and, through an odd set of circumstances, brought an end to Absalom's life (2 Sam. 18:6–15). Despite having his throne restored, David mourned the death of his son in anguish and despair (2 Sam. 18:33–19:4). David's sin with Bathsheba had finally come to its tragic and painful outcome, just as Nathan had predicted (2 Sam. 12:7–12).

Lasting Scars

Following accidents and natural catastrophes in which property has been lost but people have been saved, survivors are often quoted as saying, “We're just glad everyone is safe. Things can be replaced, but people can't.” How true that is.

That sense of the irreplaceable value of human life is important to remember in reading the closing verses of the Book of Job. After all of his trials and suffering, Job was blessed in his old age when the Lord restored to him twice the amount of property that he had lost (Job 42:10, 12), and by giving him ten more children.

However, as precious as those children must have been, they could never “replace” the ten who had perished in a windstorm (Job 1:18–19). The grief of that loss would remain. To be sure, the gift of a new family must have brought a measure of healing. But the wounds suffered earlier must have left lasting scars.

The Comfort of Presence

When we're facing severe trials and suffering, the last thing we need is a set of “Job's counselors”.people who only tell us what they think we have done wrong. Rather than having people on our back, we would prefer people who are on our team, pulling for us as we wrestle with our problems.

Unfortunately, Job had to get through his trials without much support. Three of his friends came when they learned of his troubles (Job 2:11), but they are remembered more for their condemnation of Job than for their comfort.

Still, the three friends started out with good intentions. In fact, their actions serve as a useful pattern for intervening in the midst of a friend's distress. Notice that they:

• came as a group to be with their friend;
• agreed ahead of time that they should come to Job's aid;
• wanted to mourn with him and comfort him;
• openly wept for him when they could not recognize him in his disfigured body;
• tore their robes in anguish for him, a custom in that day;
• gave Job their silent presence for seven days, willing just to be with him;
• refrained from speaking until Job first began to share his heart with them; and
• listened patiently to Job's lament and frustration.

As we today seek to comfort people around us who are feeling deep pain and suffering, the initial response of Job's friends can teach us some valuable lessons. Just quietly being with hurting people can be a great help and encouragement to them. God can use our presence in their lives as a gift of His love.

For more on this topic, see BURIAL AND FUNERAL CUSTOMS, “The Mourners,”.