Interracial Marriage

Too Many Wives?

Why was it wrong for Solomon to marry “many foreign women” (1 Kin. 11:1)? Was it a problem of…

• ethnicity? Perhaps Solomon erred by marrying outside of Israel. The Law prohibited Hebrews from intermarrying with the Canaanites (Deut. 7:1–5; compare 1 Kin. 11:2).Yet elsewhere the Law permitted Israelite men to marry women captured in warfare, so long as they were not Canaanites (1 Kin. 20:14–18). Moses himself had a wife from Ethiopia (Num. 12:1). And Ruth, who married Boaz and was the great-grandmother of David, was a Moabite.
• gender? As some would see it, the main failing in Solomon's marriages had something to do with the inherent nature of woman. Just as Eve caused trouble for Adam (Gen. 3:6), Delilah for Samson (Judg. 16:6–21), and Bathsheba for David (2 Sam. 11:1–5), so Solomon's many wives weakened his resolve to follow the Lord and led him into sin, according to this view. Yet woman was created equally with man and shares responsibility for the creation (Gen. 1:26–27). And Scripture presents many examples of women who showed spiritual insight, sensitivity, and obedience to the Lord: for example, Jael (Judg. 4:17–24; 5:24–27), Ruth (Ruth 1:6–18), Abigail (1 Sam. 25), and Lydia (Acts 16:14–15).
• polygamy? Perhaps the real problem for Solomon was that he practiced polygamy. After all, the Law warned the kings of Israel not to “multiply wives” (Deut. 17:17).

Yet the Hebrew patriarchs all had more than one wife, as did Moses, Gideon, and David. That does not mean that God encouraged the practice, but neither can one say that it was the primary cause of Solomon's downfall.

Ultimately, the Lord disapproved of Solomon's many marriages because his wives, who worshiped idols, turned his heart away from the true God (1 Kin. 11:4–10). God's anger was not about intermarriage, but about Solomon's idolatry. It was a spiritual issue, as the Law concerning kings reveals (Deut. 17:19–20).

This is an important point for modern readers of Scripture to grasp. God's main concern, then as now, is with a person's heart attitude. Is there faith and obedience? Other issues are relevant to that question to the extent that they either aid or impede one's walk with God.

An Interracial Marriage

The marriage celebrated in the Song of Solomon appears to have been a match between two members of different ethnic groups. The groom, presumably Solomon, is described as “white and ruddy” (Song 5:10), while the bride is “dark” like the black tents of Kedar. If these descriptions indicate skin color, then Solomon was evidently marrying a woman from a different ethnic background.

Marriages across ethnic and racial lines were not uncommon in the ancient world (for example, Num. 12:1; Ruth 1:4; 1 Kin. 11:1). Today, however, they pose a problem for some. Yet it is important to note that whatever reasons people may have for opposing interracial unions, the Bible neither condemns them nor prohibits them. Israelites were forbidden to marry Canaanites, Ammonites, or Moabites (Deut. 7:1–4; 23:3), but these prohibitions were not based on mere ethnicity, but had to do with religion, morality, and geopolitical considerations.

God created a diversity of races on the earth. Differences in background and skin color may be hard for people to accept, but not for God. He Himself reaches out to all the peoples of the world, so it is not surprising that His Word may celebrate a marriage between two people from different ethnic groups.

Intermarriage Issues

Some segments of the modern-day church around the world, especially those in inner cities and developing countries, struggle with issues related to intermarriage between races and ethnic groups. For these believers, Ezra's reaction to the intermarriages of many of the Jews who had returned from the exile (Ezra 9:2) might prove instructive.

As a scribe (see Ezra 7:6), Ezra knew the Law extremely well. He knew that intermarriage with the Canaanites and other peoples of Palestine (Ezra 9:1) was explicitly condemned (Ex. 34:12–16; Deut. 7:3–5). He also was familiar with the prophets' denunciation of the practice (compare Jer. 3:1–9; Mal. 2:10–16). Thus Ezra was beside himself with remorse when he learned of the people's sin (Ezra 9:3–4). After all, violation of the laws concerning intermarriage was one of the reasons that God had sent His people into exile in the first place (Ezra 9:10–14).

The scribe's solution to this problem was swift and decisive: he ordered a mass assembly for the confession of sins and the immediate dissolution of all intermarriages (Ezra 10:3–5, 11–17). However, Ezra's prayer (Ezra 9:6–15), the people's confession (Ezra 10:2–4, 12–14), and Ezra's systematic and carefully recorded mass divorce proceedings (Ezra 10:16–44) all served to highlight a key issue that affects how we apply this Scripture today: God did not forbid interracial marriage, but rather interreligious marriage.

Interracial unions took place often in the Old Testament. For example, Moses married an Ethiopian woman (Num. 12:1), Salmon married Rahab, the harlot of Jericho (Matt. 1:5), and Boaz married the Moabite Ruth (Ruth 2:10; 4:13). Nevertheless, God generally cautioned His people against marriage to foreigners because their allegiance to idols and foreign gods would dilute the Israelite's allegiance to the one true God. As Nehemiah pointed out twenty-five years after Ezra, that was the undoing of Solomon (Neh. 13:26).

This is a principle worth keeping in mind today as pastors and church leaders try to help believers wrestle with issues of intermarriage. The main question to consider is not that of ethnicity, but spirituality: what solution best enables Christians to follow God?

Ezra took a somewhat radical approach when he immediately dissolved the intermarriages of his people. When Nehemiah confronted a similar problem several years later, he took a slightly less strident posture by exhorting the people to prevent future intermarriages. (Read Neh. 13:23–27.)

Ezra's model for dealing with interreligious marriages stands in contrast to Paul's approach. This is because the Jews of Ezra's day were turning away from God by intermarrying, whereas the Christians Paul wrote about were already married when they became believers. Paul counseled these people to remain in their marriages to still-unbelieving spouses if at all possible.

Marriage

Betrothal

Betrothal (Luke 1:27) was a mutual promise or contract for a future marriage (Deut. 20:7; Jer. 2:2). Not to be entirely equated with the modern concept of engagement, betrothal followed the selection of the bride by the prospective husband. The contract was negotiated by a friend or agent representing the bridegroom and by the parents representing the bride. It was confirmed by oaths and was accompanied with presents to the bride and often to the bride's parents.

Betrothal was celebrated by a feast. In some instances, it was customary for the bridegroom to place a ring on the bride's finger as a token of love and fidelity. In Hebrew custom, betrothal was actually part of the marriage process. A change of intention by one of the partners after he or she was betrothed was a serious matter, subject in some instances to a fine.

Betrothal was much more closely linked with marriage than our modern engagement. But the actual marriage took place only when the bridegroom took the bride to his home and the marriage was consummated in the sexual union.

Connecting Separate Lives

Perhaps the area where people squander their greatest opportunity for companionship is their marriage. Instead of growing together as God intended (Gen. 2:18, 23–24; Eccl. 4:11), they grow apart and develop separate lives. As a result, neither spouse ever really knows the other.

Here are three suggestions for increasing communication, intimacy, and companionship in your marriage:

Find at least one interest you have in common and build on that. This may be something as simple as a walk, a sunset, a piece of music, or even a memory. Tell each other what you like about that thing. Describe what it means to you. How would you feel if that thing were taken away? What else can you find in common?

Set aside at least one time every day to stop what you are doing, shut out the rest of the world, and have a conversation with your spouse. Let one partner talk a while as the other listens—really listens! Then let the other partner talk for a while as the first one listens—really listens! If necessary, start with just five or ten minutes, but do it every day. Don't let anything interrupt—children, the phone, television, or anything else. Devote that time to each other.

Pray with your spouse. If you're too far apart to pray together every day, start by praying together once a week. If you're not ready to pray out loud together, just pray silently side by side. If you're not already in the habit, the hardest thing may be just getting started. So why not start right now?

Marriage Within Family

Abraham was so concerned about the racial heritage of his son's prospective wife, whoever she might be, that he sent his servant to Haran and made him swear that he would find a bride there among “my country and… my family” (Gen. 24:3–4). This sort of marriage between related persons was common in the ancient world.

Even though marriage between relatives was accepted in the ancient world, incest of the sort that occurred between Lot and his daughters (Gen. 19:30–35) was strongly condemned. When the Law was given to Israel, it extended the prohibition against sexual relations within the family to a man's mother, sister, aunt, granddaughter, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, stepmother, stepsister, stepdaughter, or stepgranddaughter (Lev. 18:6–18).

Marriage Issues for New Believers

Have you ever listened in on half of a telephone conversation, trying to figure out what the whole conversation is about? That's what we have in 1 Corinthians 7—half of a very important conversation on marriage between Paul and the Corinthian believers. But we can glean many practical lessons from this passage, for marriage was undergoing profound changes then just as it is today.

Some of the believers in the early church had married before they became Christians. They wondered whether they should divorce their unbelieving spouses in order to remarry Christians and live more wholeheartedly for Christ.

An argument could be made for that. After all, if people's primary loyalty were now to Jesus, shouldn't that invalidate their pre-conversion marriage vows? (Of course, it would also provide them with a convenient excuse to escape bad marriages.)

But Paul didn't recommend that. He viewed the abandonment of one's family as a very serious matter (1 Cor. 7:10–11), arguing that the believer should stay in the marriage as long as possible (1 Cor. 7:12–13). However, God desires peace in relationships (1 Cor. 7:15), and that may not be possible in a family where Christian values are not shared. If the unbeliever wants to leave, he or she should be allowed to do so (1 Cor. 7:15).

Many churches in different cultures around the world today are faced with very similar circumstances. For example:

• The new believer who wonders what to do, since her husband isn't interested in church or religion.
• The inner-city congregation that has members who live in common-law marriages. What should the church tell them?
• The recent immigrant who tells his pastor that he has two families, one in each of two countries. “Should I get rid of one or both of those families?” he wonders.
• A tribal chief who wants to join the church—along with his five wives. What should he do with the wives? Divorce them all? Keep one? If so, which one?

Paul offers no simple solutions for any of these situations, but he does share one piece of very good news: it is possible for one believer to “sanctify” a family, that is, to be an agent of God's love and grace, and perhaps to eventually bring other family members into the faith. No matter how unconventional the situation might be, Scripture doesn't counsel sudden changes. God may have work left to do in that family, and He may use the believer to do it—if he or she stays.

The Bride-Price

The bride-price (Ex. 22:16) was the price paid to a bride's family to acknowledge the financial loss created by the woman's marriage. Since a woman became part of her husband's family, her family of origin was impoverished by the marriage. The bride-price repaid at least a token of the family's loss of a productive worker. It was often a gift of substantial value.

In a few instances, the Bible reports that brides received gifts from their families when they married. For example, Laban gave maids to his daughters Leah and Rachel when they married Jacob (Gen. 29:24, 29). Caleb gave springs of water to his daughter (Josh. 15:19). And when the daughter of Pharaoh married Solomon, she was given an entire city to bring to the marriage (1 Kin. 9:16).

A High View of Marriage

Newlyweds bring a variety of expectations to marriage. But what are God's expectations for the marriage relationship? He designed the institution. What did He have in mind when he established it?

One window on God's perspective comes from His own “marriage” to Israel. The prophet Isaiah portrays the relationship between the Lord and His people as a marriage (Is. 62:1–5). Notice what God as the Bridegroom does for His bride:

• He protects and purifies her.
• He honors and values her.
• He identifies Himself with her, as signified by giving her new names.

Centuries later, Paul echoed Isaiah's bridal portrait of God and Israel when he described the marriage between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:21–33). Once again, the Bridegroom shows His love by protecting and purifying His bride, honoring and valuing her, and identifying Himself with her. Paul exhorted Christians to build their marriages on a similar basis.

Is this how you view marriage? Do you see it as a high and holy calling to serve your partner in the ways described? This is the heart of a biblical foundation for marriage. There can be no greater love and commitment expressed between two people than to exhibit the character that God has shown toward Israel and that Christ has shown toward the church. Furthermore, this is an important reason for a believer to marry a believer, knowing that one partner holds himself or herself accountable to God for the other's well-being.

For more on this topic, see MALE-FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS, “A New View on Marriage”.